What do you do when you genually care for someone, but you are finding that the habits and problems they have from an eairler age are ?
irispective of what anyone might think, i do care for carrie, but I feel on occasions that the assortment of problems is putting a strain on our relationship...
above and beyond all else I want us to remain friends, if the relationship were to break down (which i dont want) I will still care for her.
its about this point in my typing that i start to ramble a bit and the severe depression kicks in, I do know several of the things that set her of, she is on medication to help her cope with her stress but there are defenatly times (more of them reacently)when they dont seem to help and sometimes seem to hinder.
now the cat has jumped on me and is desprate for attention which makes this harder, in some ways the situation is simmaler to the cat, you want to care for it but you dont want to spend (what can seem like )every waking hour giving it attention. If you stop for a bit then it backslides and you have to work hard to get it back to statas quo. because it dosnt go out much it gets nervous or affraid, ah good cat is gone.
she gets stressed at the fact that she gets stressed, she finds it hard to make what she calls 'true friends' (the sort you would have at school and can go vist locally)
she finds it hard to get / keep job and blames smoe of it on everyone else muttering 'how long is she going to keep this one then?'
because she dosnt have anyone else to look to for help, i get landed with all the resonsibilitys, she wont even go in to town on her own (or rarely) because every moment i have of work, she needs the compony, so i dont get to have time to myself, with family, i have lost touch with freinds, i dont get time to relax because whatever i want to do she dosnt and needs company.
If she is having a bad day then i have to feed her because the effot of going downstairs would stress her out, then because i have no compony i dont cook anything propper, then (as is the situation now) my health gets affected, (I would be crying to my self a bit at the moment but i am to dehydrated).
when i have a day of work she wants me to spend it with her, we cant go for a walk because it is to cold for her, she dosnt want to play a game with me because she would rather be upstairs in the study, i cant read a book because that isnt socibale by her, i cant go on the computer because i have done that every night for weeks. what the hell am i supossed to do? i cant talk about work because she dosnt find it intresting, we havent been anywere lately so i cant talk about that, i cant daydream because i wouldnt be paying attentin to the conversation (what dam conversation??) I cant listen to music because she dosnt like my type of music, shall i continue??
I see my mother about every 2 months. She lives 2-3 miles a way, i see my brother more often than that and that is by web cam to manchester. cant invite her here because carrie is houseproad and the house is a mess (tyding happens occasionaly when there is low stress levels but usually in the rooms were she spends the most time, bedroom, study, bathroom). cant go over their house (the one i grew up in) because the envrioment and the way things are done stress her. when i try to have a talk by phone, i get called away to keep her compony. I miss my mummy. tslking about my family stresses her because it reminds her about the one she barely had,
the problem with writeing all this is when she reads it she will proberly take some of it differentally to how i mean it, she could take every word and example as gospel and not just see the generic/ big picture.
I care for her, i would like to think that i would do anything for her,,, i am starting to crack because there is so much to do.
I need her to get out of the house and get a life, i am not intressed in several of the things that she is, slash, silly quizzes and several other things, but to not pay any attention to those things would in her oppinoun to be ignore her compleatly.
I dont want to loose her but there are times when i feel that this is not working.
I dowbt that much of this will make a lot of sence to some people but getting it off my chest in my own (uninterupted) words will do me some good i hope...